This morning I woke up and sat down to meditate. Not all mornings go this way, but I felt clear and creative today. I laid out my Wild Unknown tarot deck, Practice You journal, burnt some sage, got my watercolors ready (super unusual and indulgent) and sat for 5 minutes.
I found some music in my mind. *There is a chance you have nothing to lose...* I thought it was a lyric from a Jose Gonzalez song I was also hearing play through my head, but I looked it up after and it's not. It's not from any song I could find. So it just came from somewhere and I totally loved it and decided to paint it down. That was fun.
As the day has continued and I've had the pleasure of working on our *Glimpse of Tarot* workshop from home, I have found myself day-dreamy and content. I'm having this realization that a lot of us are pretty quick to bring ourselves "back down to reality" when we float into dream land (while I know on the flipside, some people inhabit dream land). I wonder where this comes from. Parents? Teachers? "Adults?" People who have had dreams and desires and then got beat down by life and decided it was unhelpful to keep it up? I don't know. It's almost as though the concept is: you daydream until you're wiser and know better. But I don't really like or identify with that. It seems kind of empty.
I find something really uplifting, in a soulful way, about dreaming. Getting my hopes up. I'd rather feel the pain of my prayers going up and no blessings coming down (thanks, Chance The Rapper) than be dead inside. You know?
Maybe those of us who are more "realistic" could benefit from getting a bit more excited about potential outcomes and futures. Maybe we could believe that we'll fall in love, get swept away, land a job that we adore and overall lead pretty good lives. Feel ready to go when we die. Deep.
In one of the types of therapy I offer clients, DBT, we teach a skill called *cope ahead.* We ask worrying and anxious clients to hold what they're concerned about, to predict how realistic it is that their fear will come true, and then to identify how they're going to deal if the worst case scenario really does happen. It's a helpful tool, it makes sense. But I also wonder why I don't spend as much time with clients in their daydreams. In their wildest hopes, in the best possible realities that they could experience and live. If it is at all true that what we put out we also attract, wouldn't that be important?
I remember being in the throes of a breakup, the end of a 12-year relationship that I had known since I was very young. I was crying to one of my best friends Laura, totally broken in a really sorry way, and I had kind of reached the end of rejecting that this was in fact happening to me and to us. I thought I had *surrendered* and I told her "It's ok. I know I deserve to be treated better, I know I deserve more. I'll just have to find a guy who is not as alluring but really, really nice and loving." She was appalled. Like any good friend should, she told me I was ridiculous and wrong. That I could find someone I was really into that also cherished me- I just hadn't yet. That blew my mind. As did many other conversations with her at that time. It was so simply true because she said it and she is a no B.S. type of person who would just tell you if you're doomed. So I took it. I picked up my sad heart and trudged on. I believed that I would meet someone I dreamed of and have a fairy tale relationship and- I do. A very real life, real romantic, breathtaking one.
And there it is. That feeling when we allow ourselves to go there. To be a little hopeful and optimistic because it opens our hearts and colors our lives. Of course we must accept and re-calibrate and grieve when things don't go our way and shitty things happen- I know they do and I know they are not fairly or evenly distributed. But what if we also make a point to dream?
I dare you! I'm with you.
All my love and luck,