It has been a while since I felt completely at home, within myself, in this moment. Right now, I do. I am often present. I pride myself in the practice of paying attention. I take care. I plan enjoyable ventures and have fun. I work. I stay in touch with my people. I feel content and good.
But every now and then, my spirit wanders. It's the only way for me to describe it. A part of me zooms out so far that I feel the wonder and the worry of being alive right now. Of having a life. Of having the desire and responsibility to use it well. To soak up every last drop, as though I were a baguette and life were olive oil (mmm). And sometimes, I fantasize of that meal taking place in Italy- or here, or I don't know where.
I believe that if you have a life, you are meant to do something with it. To create, to make, to try, to learn, to grow. To love, to hurt, to mess up, to forgive. Frankly, I am afraid and bothered by the idea of death because I want unlimited time for all that and we don't have it. For comfort, I entertain the ideas of an afterlife or reincarnation or feeling satisfied as a soul without my mind and body. I want to be like Mary Oliver, and be ready when I go- but sometimes, I don't know.
A special thank you to Mary Oliver (poetry), Krista Tippet (podcast), & @thealchemyofdesign (artwork).